East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
