Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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