taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
