I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
