Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
