I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
