HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
