Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
