i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
