i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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