I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
