That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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