I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
