I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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