Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
