...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
