even my farts smell like vagina
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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