Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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