I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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