I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
