Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
