So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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