Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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