Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
