She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
