I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
