bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
