On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
