it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
