i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
