I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
