Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
