i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
