Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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