I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The adults are the big ones right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
