3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
