i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
