i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
