Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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