This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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