I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
send nudes
from the living room?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
