True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
