Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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