there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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