I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
