At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
