it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
