Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
