omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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