I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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